Abstract of the story (OWL 修改版)

Dear: ShaoChia Chiou?BR> I’ve added my CAPITALIZED in-text suggestions to your paper.?The paper is pasted below.?As to your question about adding the bird's name. I would. It makes the reader have a deeper connection when their is a persoal name attached to a character. BE AWARE THAT THE OWL WRITING LAB IS HERE TO ASSIST YOU WITH GRAMMAR, BUT WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR PROOF READING YOUR WORK.?BR> ?BR> ?BR> Best of luck,?BR> -Alex HosmerOWL TutorOWL@academyart.eduThis is a story about a bird, an old lady and more birds.This bird was pushed from (PUSHED FROM THE FOOD OR PUSHED BY OTHER BIRDS) other birds when they were fighting for the (DELETE THE) food. With the irresistible attraction of more food (WHERE DID THIS ATTRACTION COME FROM? DID HE SEE MORE FOOD?), he ignored anything (THAT) might be dangerous. So he started to follow an old lady who has (HAD, SINCE MOST OF YOUR STORY IS IN THE PAST TENSE I WOULD KEEP THIS ACTION IN THE PAST) a bag of bird food. After overcoming many dangerous situations (OBSTACLES MIGHT BE BETTER THAN SITUATIONS), the bird finally went into the old lady's house which is (WAS) far away from his sweet home, the park.We always consider that the most safety (SAFEST, DELETE MOST SAFETY) place is our house. But, by using different angle (ANGLES) of camera shot (SHOTS), audiences would know this (WHICH PLACE? HIS HOME OR THE LADY'S HOUSE?) place is not as safe as we (MIGHT) think. It seems (LIKE) the lady treat (IS TREATING, DELETE TREAT) the bird very nice and kind (WITH KINDNESS, DELETE KIND). After finishing his breakfast, the bird finally found something unusual. Lots of glass cases with different color of birds specimens hanged (WERE HANGING, DELETE HANGED) on the wall. And (DELETE AND) the lady shows her true personality (HOW DOES SHE SHOW THIS? DO YOU MEAN THE BIRD DISCOVERS THIS?). She is a collector of bird specimens, and this orange bird is the last one she needs in her collection.This story is (ABOUT) a war between human (HUMANS) and birds. But it also tells us don't (NOT TO, DELETE DON'T) live apart from others. The bird finally learned (LEARNS)) a lesson, (PERIOD, DELETE COMMA) he would never risk of (DELETE OF) his life for food.The inspiration of this story comes from the experience of our daily life (LIVES). One day, one of our group (MEMBERS) mentioned a small (SHORT, DELETE SMALL) story. The story was about someone who use (USES) something delicious to trick a bird. Then we started to discuss how to let it make sense (I'M NOT SURE OF WHAT YOU MEAN IN THIS LAST SENTENCE. WHAT DID YOU START TO DISCUSS?). A lot of topics about human (HUMANS) and birds, good and evil, big and small, fast and slow, dangerous and safety (SAFE).. Then this story was created (WHICH STORY?).We used a lot of metaphor (METAPHORS) in this story. For example, the dog's barking and cars passing fast (QUICKLY, DELETE FAST) present (SIGNAL, DELETE PRESENT) the (DELETE THE) approaching to (DELETE TO) danger. However, the most danger is (COMES, DELETE IS) from the old lady. We would (WOULD OR SHOULD?) know that the old lady is not as kind as she looks like (DELETE LIKE) and the bird is not as stupid as we think from (THE) interaction of (INTERACTIONS BETWEEN, DELETE INTERACTION OF) the old lady and the bird. Finally, the bird won (WINS) this war depend on his flexibility (BECAUSE OF HIS FLEXIBLE, DELETE DEPEND ON HIS FLEXIBILITY) body.Besides, we tried to tell the story by using different camera angle (ANGLES) and timing. Different camera angles presents (PRESENT, DELETE PRESENTS) the untold dangerous (DANGERS, DELETE DANGEROUS) of this world. Different timing from the walking cycles of the old lady to the bird would present vision contrast (I'M NOT SURE OF WHAT YOU MEAN IN THIS LAST SENTENCE).At last, the concept of (BEHIND, DELETE OF) this story is going to tell (TELLS, DELETE IS GOING TO TELL) us the importance of group working (WORK) and how important of getting (IT IS TO GET, DELETE OF GETTING) on well with your friends. We might get (HAVE, DELETE GET) some benefits for a little while with the (BY BEING, DELETE WITH THE) selfish but we might also get (PLACE OURSELVES IN, DELETE GET) unrespectable (I'M NOT SURE OF WHAT YOU MEAN BY UNRESPECTABLE) danger. There is no such thing as (A) free lunch.