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n the morning [THIS?MEANS THIS MORNING, DO YOU WANT TO SAY ONE MORNING, MEANING ANY MORNING IN THE PAST?], there was an old lady sitting on the bench [IF YOU SAY THE BENCH INSTEAD OF A BENCH, IT MEANS WE ARE TO ASSUME WE KNOW WHERE THE BENCH IS, A MEANS WE DON'T KNOW]?and some birds were peaking food in a park [IS THE LADY IN THE PARK TOO? THIS SOUNDS LIKE ONLY THE BIRDS WERE. ALSO, PEAKING MEANS TO LOOK QUICKLY, DO YOU MEAN PECKING?].Bird's foods were dropping from this old lady [DROPPING CAN MEAN TO HAVE SOMETHING FALL FROM YOUR HAND OR IT CAN MEAN POOP -- YOU'LL OFTEN HEAR 'BIRD DROPPINGS' MEANING BIRD POOP. SO IT'S A LITTE UNCLEAR WHAT IS HAPPENING - WHERE IS SHE DROPPING IT FROM? HER HAND? THE LADY WAS DROPPING... SOUNDS BETTER]. She was feeding these birds [IF YOU TELL US SHE WAS DROPPING THE FOOD, IT SOUNDS ACCIDENTAL/ IF SHE IS FEEDING THEM THEN SHE WOULD BE TOSSING THE FOOD...]. An orange cute [CUTE ORANGE] bird was pushing by other birds [PUSHING BY - DO YOU MEAN GRABBING THE FOOD FROM THEM OR TRYING TO GET TO THE FOOD?] when he was trying to get some. His name is Chunpy [BETTER TO KEEP TO THE PAST TENSE]. Chunpy notice some other birds foods were dropping behind him [DIFFERENT FOOD NOW?]. It's from the lady's paper bag of paper bag [?][ALSO, KEEP THIS IN PAST TENSE]. Bird's foods keep been dropped [KEPT FALLING] from a little hole of the bag while the lady walked away from the park. Then [SO SOUNDS BETTER], Chunpy started to follow the lady.Chunpy ignored a violent dog's barking and kept following the old lady and eatING [WAS THE DOG WARNING HIM ABOUT THE LADY?]. He also ignored the high-speed cars on the road. He almost died under the wheels of a car. The only thing he cared about was food.He passed the second danger of his life which was a car on this day [YOU?JUST TOLD US HE MISSED THE CARS AND ALMOST WAS HIT, NOW YOU'RE SAYING AGAIN THAT HE ALMOST DIED? DON'T NEED IT TWICE] and finally reached the destination - old lady's apartment. He hadn't learned the lesson yet [SO WE ARE TO ASSUME THERE IS A LESSON THAT WE SHOULD KNOW?]and soon went into the room from the window looking for more food. The old lady was preparing her own breakfast. So[SO IS A CONJUNCTION USED TO JOIN SENTENCES, NOT START THEM], Chunpy found his too, which was old lady's food YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY 'WHICHI WAS OLD LADY'S FOOD - IT'S OBVIOUS]. The old lady was kindly and nicely [YOU NEED ADJECTIVES, NOT ADVERBS, ALSO KIND AND NICE MEAN THE SAME THING SO YOU DON'T NEED BOTH. FINALLY, THE LADY WAS NICE OR SHE SEEMED TO BE NICE?] let Chunpy ate as much as he wanted.After Chunpy finished his breakfast, he found a secret of this house [A SECRET OR THE SECRET?]. The whole wall was full of bird specimen cases. And he was just fit to the one that was empty [YOU START THE SENTENCE WITH A CONJUNCTION AGAIN. ALSO, WAS HE THE RIGHT SIZE TO FIT INTO THE CASE?]. Finally, the old ladies[PLURAL?] showed her real purpose and started to go after Chunpy. In a series running [NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEAN BY SERIES RUNNING - AFTER BEING CHASED BY THE LADY?, Chunpy was caught by the old lady but soon escaped in extremely delicate situation [ARE YOU GOING TO SAY WHAT THE EXTREMELY DELICATE SITUATION WAS?]. He finally went back to the park by bouncing and got a lesson [WHY DIDN'T HE FLY? AND DID HE LEARN THE LESSON WHEN HE GOT BACK TO THE PARK? OR THE MOMENT HE SAW THE BIRD CASES?. He would go away from his friend [HE WOULD OR HE DID OR HE SHOULDN'T?s. He learned the importance of being together.?[USE HIS NAME FOR THE LAST SENTENCE, AND MAYBE ADD A LITTLE MORE, LIKE "BY THE END OF THE DAY, CHUNPY ...."OKAY, Good LuckHelen DemuthOWL Tutor